Zane’s Marriage Advice for Newlywed Men (That Every Couple Should Hear): Part 2
In this heartfelt and practical follow-up episode of The SavvyCast, Jamie and Zane continue their two-part conversation sharing their most trusted marriage advice, especially for young couples navigating their early years together.
Drawing from over 20 years of mentoring and real-life experience, Zane speaks directly to the kinds of questions he often receives from young husbands after the honeymoon phase wears off. These are honest, often overlooked conversations about what actually happens in the early years of marriage and how couples can respond with wisdom, grace, and long-term vision.
In Part 2, Jamie and Zane share 8 more practical tips and marriage advice that they’ve learned through their own marriage and years of mentoring other couples.
8 (More) Practical Tips for Your Marriage:
(For the first 8 tips, be sure to check out Part 1 of this episode on your favorite podcast platform.)
9. Don’t tell your new wife everything you “feel” too early in your marriage. She can tell you what she feels, but don’t tell her everything you feel.
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- As the marriage matures, you can share more, but be mindful to not share too early in the marriage.
- This can include phrases like:
“I’m really upset about my job.”
“I feel like I can’t make you happy.”
“I’m feeling like you don’t understand me.”
“I’m feeling sad a lot.”
10. Love is not a feeling, it is an act of will.
- Don’t get scared if your feelings of romantic love ebb and flow. That is normal!
- Don’t get scared if you think your wife is irrational or crazy sometimes. Once again, it’s normal!
- You are not bad for thinking/feeling this emotion.
- REAL love is a decision, NOT a feeling.
11. Learn your spouse’s wounds.
- Become a student of your spouse’s story.
- In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter said to “dwell with your wife in knowledge.”
- Everyone brings past pain into marriage (family of origin issues, insecurities, fears, etc.).
- Understanding each other’s backstory helps you interpret behavior with compassion rather than judgment.
12. Divide chores like Christians.
- Take inventory of what has to be done and divide based on what each of you likes and hates in a chore/task.
- Serve each other without keeping score.
- Practical tip: A weekly check-in on who feels overburdened helps prevent resentment.
13. Worship together every Sunday.
- Take the Lord’s Supper together, sing, pray, and give together.
14. Find older godly couples to mentor you.
- Ask a seasoned couple to “walk with you,” even if informally.
15. Stop trying to change your spouse. Start trying to influence with love.
- You are not the Holy Spirit in your spouse’s life, but you are a sacramental sign of Christ’s love to them.
- Love them fiercely, patiently, and truthfully.
- “You can’t control your spouse. You can only invite them, inspire them, and love them into change.”
- Direct attempts to change your spouse usually cause defensiveness, not growth.
- Examine what’s underneath your need to change your spouse.
- A good question from your spiritual director might be: “What does it mean if this doesn’t change? Can you still choose to love them?”
- If the issue is harmful or serious, passive patience isn’t love, it’s enabling.
- A loving spouse can say:
“I love you too much to pretend this isn’t hurting us.”
“I want us to grow, and I’m willing to get help.”
16. Marriage is playing the long game.
- Don’t expect too much too quickly.
- Bad days, rough fights, and crazy cycles happen, but they pass soon.
- Have lots of grace on yourself and your spouse. Forgive quickly.
- A lasting marriage is WORTH IT.
- Never quit on a bad day.
Listen to Part 1 of this Episode:
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