Zane’s Marriage Advice for Newlywed Men (That Every Couple Should Hear): Part 1
In this heartfelt and practical episode of The SavvyCast, Jamie and her husband Zane share their best marriage advice, especially for young couples navigating their early years of marriage. Drawing from over 20 years of mentoring and counseling, they speak honestly about the most common questions young husbands ask Zane after the honeymoon is over.
While many men don’t fully engage in pre-marital counseling, Zane has found that once the realities of married life hit, they’re eager for practical wisdom and marriage advice. Whether you’re newly married, walking through a tough season, or mentoring others, this episode is packed with timeless truths and actionable tips for your marriage.
8 Practical Tips for Your Marriage:
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Expect normal, not perfect.
- Assume messiness is part of the marriage plan. It’s messy, and that’s normal!
- Lower your expectations. Growing up in Western Christianity can make marriage seem blissful. In reality, marriage is a vocation. It’s a sacrament to increase my holiness and my spouse’s.
- Disillusionment is a natural phase—don’t panic. Marriage has seasons—honeymoon, disappointment, and deeper unity.
- The goal isn’t constant happiness. It’s holiness through love, which includes sacrifice.
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Marriage is not easy.
- Marriage is dying to yourself.
- When two become one, expect hell to break out. Satan hates your marriage and your future kids, so expect him to sew discord, strife, and confusion.
- There will be conflict, and sometimes it is NOT logical. Crazy cycles can spin up quickly.
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Pray together—out loud!
- Even 2–3 minutes a day builds spiritual intimacy.
- Include thanksgiving, petitions, and prayers for each other. Pray Scripture and liturgical prayers together.
- This builds a shared life rooted in God, not just circumstances.
- Don’t use this as an opportunity to “dig” at your partner. Use this as a time to unite.
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Your wife is not your Savior, and you are NOT hers.
- Don’t expect your spouse to fulfill only God-sized needs.
- Emotional and spiritual needs are real, but no one person can meet all of them.
- A strong individual relationship with Christ reduces unrealistic expectations on your spouse.
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Regular “State of the Union” check-ins (aka- “Holy of Holies Discussion”)
- Schedule monthly sit-downs with this question: “How are we doing?”
- Use this time to gently discuss unmet needs, frustrations, and joys.
- This prevents issues from festering under the surface.
- Use simple prompts like:
- What’s one thing I did this month that made you feel loved?
- What’s one way I can serve you better?
- Am I on your air hose in any area?
- How is my “Love Bank account” with you currently?
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Encourage your new wife in godly friendships.
- Seek Godly couple friendships FAST. It’s a must for healthy survival.
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Embrace the “First to Apologize” rule.
- Healing starts not when you’re “right,” but when you’re humble.
- Be mindful of your tone and sincerity when saying phrases like, “I’m sorry,” and “Will you forgive me?”
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Prioritize fun & laughter.
- Keep dating each other, even when you’re tired or busy.
- Carve out time for recreational companionship.
- Be curious about things/activities you both love or think you might love doing together.
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